wakey wakey hands off snakey
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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