I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
