I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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