Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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