We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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