The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
