I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
