her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
