Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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