Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
