I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
