Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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