is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
