You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
