I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
