Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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