Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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