I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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