i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
