Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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