Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
