she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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