what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
