We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
