once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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