apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
where are my eyebrows?
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