I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize