why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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