Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
