So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
