When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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