Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am spending my child support on dildos
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
