you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
