definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
