wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize