i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
