and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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