how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
