Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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