You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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