Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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