i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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