All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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