Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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