Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
