is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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