yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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