Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
