he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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