she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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