so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
