Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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