So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Green mimosas i think yes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
