you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
