i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
