Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
