he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
