btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
