yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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