I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
