trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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