I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
