sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
