i barfeds in our rink
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
