when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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