I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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