I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are the jesus of drinking
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
