I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
