Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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