I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
