I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
this hospital has no fireball
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
