I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
