I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
