who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
