from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
